Mad at myself

I am so mad at myself. I was doing so good on my weight loss. Then I had that stupid back injury and just quit. I've gained so much weight in the last 9 months. Now instead of 40 lbs to my goal, I've got 80 lbs to go. I had a big eye opener a few days ago. I went to put on a pair of shorts I wore last summer and they were really tight on me. I've decided that enough is enough. I haven't been sleeping at night and when I'm up, I eat. I finally broke down and had my sleep meds refilled. I've slept so good the last 3 nights. I can do this. I've done it before, I can do it again. I worked out this morning for the first time in months. I know I'm going to pay for it tomorrow but I've got to do this. I'm going to start going to an exercise group on Thursdays with people that had surgery at the same place I did. I'm hoping that I can get some inspiration from them.

Back on track

I'm finally back on track and loosing weight again. That back injury killed me. After all was said and done, I had gained back almost 20 lbs. In six weeks!! I've come to realize that the only way I'm going to reach my goal is to make sure I log my food every day and exercise. I use My Fitness Pal and have some great supporters there. Logging my food makes me accountable for every calorie I take into my body. I even created my own "kettle bell". I put 10 lbs of rice in a ice cream bucket with a lid and use that as a weight. My kids think it's funny.

Bump in the road

The last few weeks haven't been very good for me. On August 25th Chad and I took the kids to Lagoon (for those not from Utah, it's an amusement park). I was so excited because I was able to ride several rides that I hadn't been able to. I still won't ride the wooden roller coaster. A few years back I went with my sister and brother. We got on that ride and because I was so big, my butt wouldn't fit in the seat. I had to get off the ride and was very embarrassed. I could probably fit on it now, but just the thought of getting on that ride raises my anxiety enough to make me sick. Anyway, we spent a few hours there, riding the fast, jerky rides. The next couple of day's my neck hurt. That next Monday my back started hurting and by Wednesday, I could hardly move. It got bad enough that I finally went to the doctor. It still took me another week to finally be able to move without pain. I spent most of that time on the couch, eating junk. I didn't quit. The last six weeks I have packed back on 15 lbs. It amazes me how fast it comes back on. I also haven't been sleeping very well and that's not good for me. When I'm awake late at night, I graze. I finally called my doctor and got my sleep meds refilled so I can use them until my body gets used to sleeping again. On Monday I recommitted myself and have lost almost 3 lbs. I think part of it was I didn't have a goal in mind. Before, I had my high school reunion to inspire me to loose weight. That went great but after I kind of felt lost. I've now made a new goal. I had my surgery on February 15, 2006. My goal is to be at 170 lbs by February 15, 2013. That will be my 7 year anniversary. If I can do that I will have lost just over 225 lbs. I've dejunked my house and have decided that if my kids want treats, I'll buy a small one that will feed just them. Smith's grocery store has had Twinkies on sale for $1.88 the last couple of weeks and I've been buying them since it's cheaper than buying just a small package. Well, no more!!!

Great NSV

Today I was at the mall and decided to look in Sears to see what they had on clearance. I found a really cute shirt but the only size they had was 14/16. Just for the heck of it I tried it on. It fit perfect!!! I actually did a happy dance right there in the dressing room. I really hope they don't have cameras. If they do, they had a great laugh:)

High School Reunion

I attended my high school reunion this weekend. I can't believe it's been 25 years since I've graduated.

This was me when I graduated from school.

We decided to sit in one of the classrooms and have a picture taken. At first my heart dropped because I didn't want to sit in one the desks and be squished. Then I realized that I fit now and was able to just slide right in with room to move. 

 We didn't have a very big turnout. This was the last activity at the high school. There were others that attended other activities that weren't in this picture. I think we had about 20 in all show up. That's pretty sad for a class of 112. 

These were my two best friends from school. We met in first grade and have been since then. 

It was nice to go and just be another classmate and not the fat girl. I was able to walk in with my head held high. All the work was worth it though. The look on some of their faces was priceless. I still have about 55 lbs to go to my goal. 

Good NSV (non scale victory)

I've been feeling really upset because I haven't lost any weight since the 14th of June. I had gained 16 lbs in water weight after going off my blood pressure medication and have now lost all of that. I'm exactly where I was on the 14th. Today I measured myself for my 1 month measure and I've actually lost 2 inches off my waist, 1.5 inches off my hips and 1.5 inches off my high waist. !!!Kind of excited!!!

Old photos

I've been going through some of my old photo albums and found this page. This shows how much weight I put on in 7 years.